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Thursday, December 9, 2010

Christmas Shenanigans

Throughout my life, I've caught my dad watching porn when he, and little Mel, were most unsuspecting. Every time a girl's ass is shown on television, my dad would say, "OH BABY." Actually, he had me go up into the attic once to try and find his military pictures from Germany, but I stumbled across his fetish porno videos instead. Ahem. He's also got a hardcore affinity for Harley-Davidson motorcycles. Well, my dad's turning 56 on Christmas, so I thought it would be fun to buy him a real Christmas present as well as a joke birthday present. There's nothing like a good porno to make you feel 21 again, eh?

I'm finally 18 years old, so I decided to take advantage of my awesome 43% employee discount at Borders to buy my dad a motorcycle-themed porn magazine. My co-workers were giving me shit for it (as expected), and the customers behind me were wide-eyed and horrified that little redheaded Mel would be buying a hardcore porn magazine. Quite frankly, it made me laugh, both because I was embarrassed and because it was pretty funny.

I got to walk 5 miles home with a South Park kit and my dad's porn magazine. I had to leave the bag outside when I went to use the restroom in one of the stores on my way home, and I can only imagine what their reactions must have been when their curiosity got the best of them. Oh, man.

My dad's REAL present are two seasons of 'Tales from the Crypt' on DVD. He absolutely LOVES that show. I got my mom the first season of Parenthood on DVD, and I even got myself a few things. I also bought my best friend's presents. Most of my friends won't let me buy them things (especially my online ones), so I'm going to draw special pictures for each person that they can print out and frame or burn or whatever they want to do with it.

My best friend is getting one of the best joke gifts ever, because I'm serious when I'm giving it to her. Since she reads this blog, CK, no, it's not a vibrator.

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